Pom Poko

Pom Poko is a Japanese animated film that was released in 1994. The movie was directed by Isao Takahata and the story revolves around a group of Japanese raccoon dogs who are very well known in Japanese folklore. These raccoons are usually termed as Tanuki in Japanese culture and are known for their social behavior but they are mischievous as well. In the movie, these animals are shown as realistic animals that seldom wear clothes and are always eating and having fun in the woods. Soon these raccoons are attacked by industrial labors and these tanukis try hard to attack the humans with their testicles which should not be a part of any animated film because it is certainly not the right thing for the kids to watch.

The Incredibles

The Incredibles is a 2004 animated film by Pixar and the movie is directed by Brad Bird. The movie is all about a superhero family who has been gifted with super powers but the government forces them to live a normal life. Though The Incredibles received a lot of appreciation for its fresh story and animation, you can clearly avoid The Incredibles for your kids because the story has a lot of action that can have a negative impact on your kid.

Cars

The next on the list is Cars which again is an animated movie produced by Pixar Studio and directed by John Lasseter and Joe Ranft. The movie might be unique in its own ways but it completely wipes off the existence of humans. The movie is all about anthropomorphic cars that talk and do almost everything that humans do. However, when they race they race with all their might and Cars is loaded with all kinds of car stunts and accidents that is something that our kids should avoid at least till they are aware about traffic manners.

Spirited Away

There are some movies that so imaginary that they can be scary for the kids and Spirited Away is one such movie that is directed by Hayao Miyazaki. The movie has received a universal acclaim and it is one of the highest grossing movie in Japanese box office. The movie is about a teenage girl who is soon moving to countryside where she faces her adventures with spirits and monsters. The movie shows a friendly relation between spirits and monsters and that is too much for your kid to digest.

Chicken Run

Chicken Run is a British animation movie which is directed by Peter Lord and Nick Park that shows the cruelty that humans do on chickens. The movie is about an intelligent hen named Ginger who tries to save her other friends from being dead. The movie makes fun of how people are crazy about chickens and eggs and portrays humans as barbarians who are always ready to slaughter chickens for having a hearty meal. Soon after the release of the movie a video game was also released for the audiences.

Something’s Wrong with Esther. That’s the tagline for the film Orphan opening wide this Friday. Either it’s just me, or there’s been something wrong with a lot of kids at the cinema as of lately.  

It used to be we’d occasionally get an outstanding f***ed up youngster:

But now it seems there’s a flock of mediocre mini sociopaths running amoke on the silver screen. Have the parents in these films never heard of a child psychologist? Or a good punch to the temple? Both are effective for different reasons, but I can guarantee you that either method will get your demented offspring, or unfortunate adoption, to quit lighting your pets, houses, and better behaved children on fire. That is unless head shrinking and corporal punishment really pisses them off. Then you might just have to put them down for good.

Let’s take a look at some of the menacing kiddies who have recently been causing their on-screen mothers to wish they’d considered an “alternative option” to parenthood.

Aidan Keller in The Ring

Aiden’s not a sociopath, he just sees pale dead girls with really long hair. But you don’t have to look into those souless eyes for very long to know that this kid has some issues. Can’t you draw your mother anything else but a stupid black ring?! Try a rainbow for once!

Young Sean in Birth

Cameron Bright’s character is supposedly the reincarnation of his dead father and Nicole Kidman’s character’s husband. That’s got to be a confusing situation to find yourself in. You want to bang your wife but your only ten years old and your balls haven’t dropped yet. No wonder he’s grabbing Kidman’s face so intensely. He’s a sexually frustrated man trapped inside a pubeless body.

Adam Duncan in Godsend

Here we go with Cameron Bright again. This kid was born to play the creepy son. In this film he’s the perfect example as to why you don’t clone your dead child. Sometimes dead is better, as we learned in Pet Semetary. If you really want to keep your deceased child around a few years longer find a really large Tupperware casket and squirt some lemon juice on him or her. My mom used to do it with my apple slices when I was younger and it worked splendidly.

Emily Callaway in Hide and Seek

Turn Dakota Fanning into a brunette and suddenly she’s a psycho. Perhaps blonds do really have more fun… Or hair color is toxic. We won’t go into the completely ridiculous turn of events in this film, but if you love Fight Club and you hate idea thievery then you probably won’t like De Niro’s predicament.

Damien Thorn in The Omen (2006)

One of the truly original creepy kids reimagined with glossier film stock and a Razer scooter. He also apparently enjoys staring contests because he won’t stop looking at you. I get that it’s supposed to be unsettling, but come on Damien, you’re making me self-concious. I mean, do I have sauce from my Panda Express orange chicken on my face? If I give you my fortune cookie will you stop glaring at me from across the kitchy dining area? It’s all for you, Damien!

Joshua Cairn in Joshua

I think there’s a rule that at least once in these films the creepy kid has to appear in a darling suit or sportcoat. It just makes them look so grown up and normal when they’re anything but. In Joshua we’ve got another case of a jealous sibling who takes things too far. Vera Farmiga plays Joshua’s mother, a very similar role to her character in Orphan.  How many crazy kids can one woman rear in her career’s lifetime?

Tomas in The Orphanage

This is a truly entertaining and powerful horror film. You may think it’s about some reject kid with a sack on his head and a whistle around his neck, but you’d be wrong. If you haven’t seen it rent it right away. It carries the promise of a creepy kid in wide angle shots and some heartwarming scenes to boot. The lead protagonist ain’t so bad either:

Cole Sear in The Sixth Sense

The original kid who sees dead people. Cole and Aidan from The Ring should get together and discuss their issues. No one can deny though that Haley Joel gave us a fantastic Oscar-nominated performance. He spent the whole movie with Bruce Willis and that little patch of fake hair they put on the front of his head, and Haley didn’t laugh once.

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