If you grew up in the 90’s, you’ll remember all of these dogs. If not, you’re probably aware of most of them. There may be a couple of pooches you wish I had included, but this list is really quite thorough and has all of the most important and famous canines from my own childhood movies about dogs
Here they come, in no particular order. We’ll start with:
1.) Buddy the Golden Retriever
From: The Air Bud movies
Simply put, Buddy is a multi-sport phenomenon. After demonstrating his considerable shooting prowess while leading the Fernfield Timberwolves basketball team to the championship, Buddy went on to lift the T-wolves to championships in football, soccer, baseball, and beach volleyball.
Also worth mentioning are two late great actors Buddy was privileged to share the screen with: Michael Jeter and Patrick Cranshaw.
Here’s a video of Buddy doing what he does
best most recently: stuffing the shit outta some punk on the sand. I’ve thoughtfully queued the video to the good stuff.
2.) Quark the Border Terrier
From: Honey I Shrunk The Kids, and sequels
In case you don’t remember the movie: Quark saves the fucking day. After Wayne Szalinski (Rick Moranis) accidentally shrinks the kids, and they survive their odyssey across the yard, they hitch a ride on Quark back into the house. Then, in one of the most perfect scenes in the history of cinema, the shrunken Nick ends up in his dad’s bowl of Cheerios, and is nearly devoured.
It’s fun to imagine Wayne picking the mangled, miniature body of his oldest son from between his incisors; Quark had this exact thought, but decided he had to stop it. The normally docile Quark springs to action, biting Wayne, who in his surprise does not eat Nick, and then sees him. And then they get shot back up to regular size, and everything’s cool.
You can almost hear the Disney brainstorming session that began once the movie broke even: Wait a second, the shrink-ray is also a enlarge-ray, right…?
• Quark may have also saved YOUR life, if you ever enjoyed the 4D thrills of Honey I Shrunk The Audience. Nick’s pet snake Gigabyte is about to eat the entire audience, but Quark comes and scares him away. Spoiler alert.
• If you know what a quark actually is, good for you.
3.) Beethoven the St. Bernard
From: the Beethoven movies. I think I saw the second one once (there are six).
Beethoven is a big dog. Considering he is the title character, he has little impact on the plot of the movie. It’s basically just about an evil guy who wants to use Beethoven for some fucked-up animal testing, but the family stops them. Really just kind of a cheap movie that was horrifying as a kid.
4.) Otis the Pug Puppy
From: The Adventures of Milo and Otis. You need to see this movie
God damn, this has got to be one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. It is all live-action and narrated by the delightful Dudley Moore who also does the characters’ voices. It took four years to film, and although I have never seen the Japanese original, it is supposedly darker than this dark-for-a-kids-movie version. Milo and Otis is like the most wonderful storybook, read by a kindly Englishman, and he is showing only you the illustrations the entire time.
I will not do this movie the injustice of spoilers, but it is an exciting adventure, with real edge-of-your-seat danger. I’m not being sarcastic, this movie is pretty intense. It was a staple of my childhood movie time, but I had not seen it in years until recently. The potential is there for very deep interpretation about life, love, friendship and what-not. Also, it’s simply beautiful to watch.
5.) Chance the American Bulldog and Shadow the Golden Retriever
From: Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (a remake, and originally a novel)
First of all, great voice work in this movie. Michael J. Fox was the perfect wise-cracking Chance, the late Don Ameche (in one of his last roles) made a wonderful old and wise Shadow, and the sassy Sally Field voiced the sassy Sassy.
I remember Chance getting fuckin’ got by a porcupine. Ouch!
6.) Charlie B. Barkin the German Shephard/Mix, Itchy Itchiford the Dachshund, and Carface Carruthers the Pit Bull
From: All Dogs Go to Heaven
- All dogs go to heaven, even if they have done no good deeds in their life (like Charlie). Note: Carface murders Charlie and is generally just a dick, but he gets into heaven too.
- Every dog’s lifespan is predetermined by a golden pocket watch, henceforth referred to as a “life-watch.” Upon arriving in heaven, it is possible to manually wind the life-watch, enabling an extra life, so long as the watch continues to tick. After that…
- …That particular dog does not go to heaven. Said dog has chosen an extra life, and she/he is damned for eternity upon re-expiration of the life-watch.
- It is in fact possible for a dog to regain heaven access through an act of self-sacrifice.
That was a nice list. But clearly, it’s much easier for dogs to get into heaven than say, cats, who must die nine times before they even get a chance at it, and even then there’s no guarantee. Dogs can fuck up their whole life, and then die and go to heaven. Then, forsaking heaven forever, a zombie dog can fuck up another entire life, and through a single act get it all back. Bring this up to your theology professor. Shield your eyes, and wait approximately three seconds. Collect mind fragments from around the room.
Oh yeah, and Charlie is voiced by Burt fucking Reynolds (and then Charlie Sheen in ADGtH2)!
(mouseover to see Zombie Jay Leno)
Zombie Burt Reynolds
(mouseover to see the headshot)
Note: Zombie Jay Leno has nothing to do with this list. Thanks to IGN for these screens from Dawn of the Dead.
7.) Rimshot the Jack Russel Terrier
From: the Ernest movies
In the most famous Ernest movie, Ernest: Scared Stupid, Rimshot gets turned into a wooden figurine by Trantor the troll. Then Ernest just fucking snaps. The folks at saturday morning central did this cool write-up about Scared Stupid (with animated .gifs).
8.) Milo the Jack Russel Terrier
From: The Mask movie(s) (based on a comics series, didja know that?)
Another Jack Russel! They’re pretty cool little dogs; normally I compare small dogs to rats.
Milo wears the mask for a a little while and saves the day. Also he helps Stanley (Jim Carrey) bust out of jail.
Anyway, sorry for the delay. Here’s pictures of a 22-year-old Cameron Diaz who was absolutely sssssssmokin’ in this, her first acting role.
9.) Old Yeller
From: Old Yeller (actually a novel first. Maybe the ultimate case of “why read the book?”)
You know the story. Old Yeller saves
Timmy Travis from a rabid wolf, but gets rabies himself and Timmy Travis has to shoot him. Then he gets a new dog— one of Old Yeller’s puppies. Sad but, Old Yeller was getting old anyway and the new puppy is so much cuter!
Like racism, rabies was eliminated in the early 1990’s.
10.) Dollar the Dollarmation
From: Ritchie Ritch (Comics and TV Show first, but the live-action movie is how I know him)
11.) Goofy Goof (and Max, PJ, Pete, Bobby, etc)
From: A Goofy Movie, Goof Troop (TV show), and on and on
No discussion of the the Goof family can proceed without acknowledging a striking peculiarity. That peculiarity is number 11 on my list.
12.) Pluto Goof
From: I don’t really know. Lots of Disney crap.
Pluto is a silly, though very loving and protective dog. It never made sense to me that Goofy (a dog) can talk and laugh and fall in love— yet he has a pet dog, Pluto, whose typical day includes slobbering, and maybe sitting or rolling over on command.
The nearest human equivalent is slavery. Perhaps with an education Pluto could learn to speak and express himself, and even hold down a job. But then who would fetch Goofy’s morning paper? You see where I’m going with this. The writing is on the wall.
13.) White Fang the Wolfdog
From: White Fang (a novel, of course, but I didn’t know that as a kid)
Trivia time: White Fang is three-quarters wolf (mother is half dog, father is full wolf).
A great adventure story on a whole ‘nother level from Milo and Otis. As you might expect, the Disnefied movie isn’t nearly as serious and dark as the book, although it has moments of real danger. Hard to make jokes about White Fang, who was sold into dogfighting for a bottle of whiskey and won every fight. What a beautiful animal:
14.) Hercules the English Mastiff (aka The Beast)
From: The Sandlot
If you don’t know who The Beast is, then what the fuck? Scotty Smalls brought out a baseball, signed by Babe Ruth, and actually played with it (and actually played with it)!
The gang should have just asked Mr. Mertle and he would have gotten the ball, but legend said that Mr. Mertle was the meanest old man who ever lived. No one’s ever gotten the best of ol’ Hercules. They said that Babe Ruth was less than a god, but more than a man, like Hercules or something. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Hercules lived to be 199 years old— uh, in doggy years.Read More
What type of house would you live in or build if you were a celebrity? Would you build a home that depicts your hobbies, or would you build a place that is so “you” or so overpriced that you couldn’t sell it no matter how hot the market? With those questions in mind, we sought the ten top most ridiculous, obnoxious, and just plain ugly celebrity pads around. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what we think is tacky might seem gorgeous and practical to another beholder…The list below is in no particular order. While the sites are numbered, the numbering does not indicate that we favor one site over another or that they are listed in order of value.
Britney Spears: According to public records, Spears purchased the Malibu, California house through her Love Shack Trust in October 2004 for $6,300,000. The 7,400 square foot home boasts a pool, a spa, tennis court and gym, a maid’s quarters, seven bedrooms and six and a half bathrooms. Spears put the home on the market in January 2007 for $13.5 million, but the price dropped in March to $11.8 million. The house, which is located in the exclusive gated Serra Retreat area where such stars as Mel Gibson live, may have priced itself out of the market for the moment. Additionally, rumor has it that the gated estate was too overly-customized to Mr. and Mrs. Spears’ tastes. According to the linked source, “A bar in every room was too over-the-top for the average potential buyer in that price range – not to mention the lavish poolside bar built over which once was the tennis court.” This past March, papers were served to Britney and she was almost evicted because she hadn’t paid the rent. It appears that Britney’s financial team screwed up, but that all payments now are current.
John Travolta: No, this isn’t an airline terminal. It’s the home of John Travolta and family, built specifically to house his Gulfstream and Boeing 707B. The home is located immediately off a main airstrip in Ocala, Florida, and it’s designed so his jets can taxi right up to two outbuildings connected to the main structure that’s shaped like a truncated air-control tower. Although the property came equipped with a 7,500-foot runway, Travolta extended the taxiway to reach the house. Actress Kelly Preston, Travolta’s wife, can tell when John’s home, as the planes are visible from the living area inside the home. If that’s not enough airline for you, wait until you see the mural in the dining area that was culled from a 1937 Fortune magazine ad. Diners can pretend they’re eating in the lobby of a 1930s Paris airport.
Michael Jackson: Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch served as the pop singer’s private amusement park and home when the facility opened in 1988, but it’s no longer in operation. This ridiculous property, which lies over 2,800 acres, contains a zoo, a theme park with Ferris wheel, merr-go-round, zipper, spider, sea dragon, wave swinger, super slide, dragon wagon kiddie roller coaster, and bumper cars. Named for Neverland, the fantastical island in the story of Peter Pan where children never grow up, the ranch is located near Los Olivos, California. As of March, 2008, the property remains in foreclosure proceedings, with a possible auction slated unless Jackson clears his debt. The auction may be forestalled by a loan extension offered by his loan holder Fortress Investments, according to Fox News.
Ira Rennert: Rennert, a publicity-shy billionaire founder of the Renco Group, is known more for his obnoxious New York Hamptons home than he is for anything else. This mansion is considered one of the largest occupied residential compounds in America, and – if put on the market – may be the valued as the most expensive home on earth. The home sits on 63 acres, and the buildings cover over 110,000 square feet including the 66,000 square foot main house. The main building contains a 91-foot long dining room, 29 bedrooms and 39 bathrooms. Fair Field, named after the adjoining Fairfield Pond, also contains a bowling alley, tennis and squash courts, and a $150,000 hot tub.
Candy Spelling: Producer Aaron Spelling tore down Bing Crosby’s old home to build this ridiculous 56,000-square-foot, 123-room Los Angeles, California estate. Unarguably the largest estate in California, this hotel-sized mansion sports a bowling alley and a single room devoted entirely to gift wrapping. While rumors ran rampant that Aaron’s widow, Candy, would sell the home in 2006 following Aaron’s death, Candy dispelled the rumors and continues to reside alone in the mansion. Candy Spelling is the mother of Tori and Randy Spelling, both actors. Candy and Tori have remained hot in celebrity mags, thanks to their feuds over Aaron’s inheritance, Tori’s portrayal of her mother in a VH1 sitcom, and other family feudal issues.
Will Smith: This is Will and Jada Smith’s ridiculously obnoxious mansion, located in California. Their estate is described as a Calabasas castle, as it has its own lake, basketball court, tennis court and a pair of private par threes in the backyard. The estate took over seven years to build at $20 million. Smith stated, “The problem is that you build your dream home, but then you’re seven years older so it’s the house you used to want real bad!” By 2004, when they had seven months until they could move in, Smith added, “We’ve got about seven more months (before we move in). Everybody is excited because we went (to the house) and we let the kids come in and they picked out their rooms. Some of them are not gonna live there because they’re gonna have their own home by the time we actually move in!” The Smith family was forced to leave this home in 2005 when a bush fire threatened to destroy it and several other houses in the same area.
Donald Trump: Donald Trump’s Palm Beach, Florida mansion was primed for the real estate market in 2006, and this 80,000-square-foot estate was priced at $125 million well before the housing meltdown. This obnoxious mansion, which resembles a civic center, totals 62,000 square feet, with nine bedrooms, a ballroom, media room, art gallery, beauty salon, and a 4,100-square-foot conservatory. Additionally, the 6.5-acre property with 475 feet of ocean frontage includes two guest houses, a pool, and parking for 40 cars. Trump purchased the estate for $41.35 million in a 2004 Florida bankruptcy-court auction. Trump renovated Maison de l’Amitié during his tenure, and during the sale it was listed as the most expensive home on the market anywhere in the U.S.
Saudi Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdul Aziz: Shortly after His Royal Highness Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdulaziz was appointed Secretary-General of the National Security Council by the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques King Abdullah on October 16, 2005, he put his house in Aspen, Colorado up for sale. His reason for purchasing this home, which sits on 95 acres, includes his position as Ambassador of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to the United States of America from October 24, 1983 to September 8, 2005. However, it appears that His Highness rarely stayed at this U.S. palace. The main portion of the house, which is larger than the White House, includes 16 bathrooms, 15 bedrooms, stables, a tennis court, an indoor swimming pool, outdoor water features and a snowmelt driveway. The price? At the time, the asking price was $135 million, ten million more than what Trump asked for his Palm Beach estate. The Prince took the house off the market in November 2007 after a lack of offers.
Michael Vick: The former quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons is languishing in jail and no longer lives in this somewhat tacky Surrey County, Virginia home since he was convicted for dog fighting. The house includes 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, a white brick exterior, hardwood floors, and a full basketball court in the backyard. Although the Surry County, Virginia Commissioner of the Revenue stated the dwelling itself is valued at $647,000, and the 15 acres of land upon which the home sits was valued at $100,000, it would be very spooky to live in a home where this celebrity buried dog carcasses. The home sits across the street from a Baptist Church and is surrounded by a large, white fence and was sold at auction in November 2007.
Martha Stewart: Would you pay $8.9 million for this house? That’s what Martha Stewart wants for her Westport, Connecticut home called “Turkey Hill.” The Georgian style house sports nine bedrooms, three baths, several outbuildings and “the nicest garden in town.” However, we feel that – given Martha’s gift for creativity – this house really is a turkey. At least it has plenty of room to roam on 4.03 acres. But, that wallpaper effect on the stairwell needs to goRead More
This creature is most probably the creation of an environmental problem. Children at a nursery in Weston-super-Mare, England spotted the three headed frog hopping in the garden.
The blog famous cyclops kitten, Cy was first thought to be a joke photo manipulation. Living only for a day, It had only one eye and was noseless.
The most infamous headless chicken, Mike wowed the world by living for 18 months which indefinitely entered it into the Guinness World Records. It could still live becuase most of his brain stem and ear was left on his body.
Nope this is not photoshop manipulated. A female polar bear named Pelusa turned purple after she was given a special treatment to clear up a skin condition. This has attracted crowds at the Mendoza City Zoo in Argentina. The fur has returned to normal after a few days.
Genetic mutation called ‘feather duster’ of a parakeet.
Dolphins has taken a pink hue in the Pear River Delta situated between Hong Kong and Macau. It is not known why they are pink in colour but several assumptions include the lack of natural predators or the pink colour is a byproduct of blushing to regulate body temperature.
The two-month old animal, named Cham Leck which means ’strange,’ was given to monks at a local pagoda by a farmer who feared the six legged cow would bring him bad fortune.
The hooded seal has a large elastic nasal cavity and when fully inflated resembles a large black ruber ball. They are large aggresive mammals that can exceed 3m in length and 400kg in weight.
The large ocean sunfish vies for the title of strangest fish in the sea. It has an almost circular, flattened body. It weighs up to 2 tons and 3m long. The head is almost a third of the whole body length.
If you had your facts about the Siberian tiger being the largest cat, then you are wrong. The liger is the world’s largest cat, a cross breed between a male lion and a female tiger. They exhibit conflicts between the social habits of the lion and solitary habits of the tiger.
Yesterday, the richest socialites and dignitaries from England and beyond headed over to Ladies Day at the Royal Ascot race meeting, sort of like Halloween for the obscenely wealthy. As is tradition, England’s richest ladies go on parade in the most expensive of haute-couture gowns, shoes, and — most importantly — hats. Oh, the hats. Let’s take a look at The 10 Silliest Hats in England, yes?
This woman must be very brave. For starters, I’m not entirely sure that that hat doesn’t have a heartbeat. Much like the Alien in Independence Day, this hat might secretly be alive, waiting for the perfect moment to laserbeam his mindthoughts over to our President Bill Pullman. But let’s say this isn’t an otherworldy creature, and, in fact, is just a hat as she’d like you to believe. Wouldn’t you think other birds in the neighborhood would lose their sh*t at the sight of this woman? Imagine spending a nice day in the park, only to see some bird wearing a hat made out of people. You’d probably be pretty upset. Luckily, this woman seems to have a back-up plan in place in case of any unwanted deadly attacks, as her purse seems to have come equipped with an ejector seat. Good thinking, lady with no eyes.
Nothing says “British Class” like a woman wearing a miniature toilet, or “loo”, on her head. Though I imagine once she removed her hand, her head would quickly fall to the floor like so many rotted teeth. If only a tiny man were taking a “wee poo” on that hat, my personal circle of life would be complete.
After the jump, 8 Hats you do NOT want to miss…
NOTE TO LITTLE PEOPLE: If you’ve ever wanted to roll around in the famous American Gladiators Sphere for a bit, contact the woman above. She’ll be wearing said sphere on her head. Thank you, Minimanagement.
Much like Homer Simpson’s “Nacho Hat”, this head covering is simply delicious. UPDATE: Wait, is that little cake made out of PORK, as that sash indicates? In which case, let me backtrack: That cake is not delicious… it is SCRUMPTIOUS.
Remember in National Lampoon’s European Vacation, when all of their luggage got stolen and they had to buy entirely new wardrobes? I’m still not entirely convinced the above snapshot is not a still from that montage.
Guess who took a quick dip in the cemetary pool last night? Daffy Duck, seen above.
How can you tell when a loved one is being abducted by aliens? When they are wearing this hat. Her smile just screams “Take. Me. To. Your. Inbreeder.”
Guess who smelled like baby vomit all night?
This hat isn’t so much “silly” as it is “terri-f**king-fying”. It looks like she’s being chased by the Ringwraiths from Lord of the Rings. And this poor woman… look how happy she is!!! She has no idea the four whoresmen of the apocalypse are hot on her tail! Look how happy she is to see you… she’s all “Hi Bahsil! What? Behind me you say? Ghosts? Oh Bahsil, you ol’ –” THUD. El morte.